『壹』 玩英雄联盟进去FPS很高 但是30秒后小兵出来FPS就20几左右了

1.校长和英语老师一起去法国某中学访问，校长在礼堂讲话，英语老师做翻译。
校长：“各位老师们，同学们！”
英语老师：“ladies and gentlemen！”
校长：“各位女士们，先生们！”
英语老师-_-！想了下说：“Good morning！”
校长：“早上好！”
英语老师：…… ==”汗

2.说有一只北极熊，因为雪地太刺眼了，必须要戴墨镜才能看东西， 可是他找不到墨镜，于是闭着眼睛爬来爬去在地上找，爬呀爬呀，把手脚都爬的脏兮兮的才找到墨镜。 戴上墨镜，对着镜子一照，这才发现：哦，原来我是一只熊猫

3.一只北极熊孤单的呆在冰上发呆，实在无聊就开始拔自己的毛玩，一根，两根，三根，最后拔的一根不剩，然后他就冷死了。

4.从前从前有一只鸟，他每天都会经过一片玉米田，但是很不幸的,有一天那片玉米田发生了火灾，所有的玉米都变成了爆米花!!!小鸟飞过去以后……以为下雪，就冷死了。

5.小明新理了发，第二天来到学校，同学们看到他的新发型，笑道：小明，你的头型好像个风筝哦！小明觉得很委屈，就跑到外面哭，哭着哭着，他就飞起来了。

6.蜘蛛爱上了蝴蝶，蝴蝶却拒绝了它，蜘蛛问：为什么？这是为什么！蝴蝶说：我妈说了，整天在网上混的都不是好人．

7.夏日炎炎的一天,两只香蕉走在路上。走在前面的香蕉突然觉得好热，他说，好热哦，我要把衣服脱掉。结果他就把皮给剥掉了。 结果后面的香蕉就跌倒了。然后脱了衣服的香蕉就变成了香蕉干~

8.有一天，三个探险家终于寻找到"希望之谷"，传说中，只要站在山谷边大喊心中想要的东西，然后往山谷中跳下去，就会得到满坑满谷所想要的东西。于是他们三个决定试看看。
第一个是个色鬼，因此他大喊"女人！女人！"往下一跳果真有满坑满谷的美女正等着他.
第二个是个书呆子，喊了"书书书书书！"然后，跳到山谷里也得到满坑满谷的书.
第三个是个优柔寡断的人，左思右想总是无法决定自己的最爱，过了一个小时以后，他终于下定决心，觉得还是钞票最有用了，于是他走向山谷边.一不小心踢到一颗石头，他骂了一声"shit！"不料一个重心不稳跌下山谷。

9.小明呢，就明天要考试窝，但晚上却在看电视
小明妈妈就担心地问：书都看完了吗？明天要考试啊
小明就爽快地回答：妈，我看完了。
小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明：乖，那明天你一定考得很好呢
小明哭着说：妈，我是说，‘妈，我看，完了’。

10.熊猫深爱着小鹿，表达爱意时却遭到拒绝。 熊猫大吼～为什麼？这一切都是为什麼？ 小鹿胆怯地说：我妈说了，戴墨镜的都是不良少年

11.有一天小明走在路上！走着走着突然觉得脚很酸！为什么会这样呢?因为小明踩到柠檬了！

12.汉字当中哪个字最酷?丁字裤(酷)
巾”对“币”说：儿啊。你戴上博士帽，也就身价百倍了。
“尺”对“尽”说：姐姐，结果出来了。你怀的是双胞胎。
“臣”对“巨”说：和你一样的面积。我却有三室俩厅。

13.某日，一个大学老师提问一学生，树上有十只鸟，开枪打死一只，还剩几只？
学生反问：是无声手枪吗？不是枪声有多大？80-100分贝。在这个城市打鸟犯不犯法？不犯。您确定那只鸟真的被打死了吗？确定。这时，老师已经不耐烦了：“，你告诉我还剩几只鸟就行了，OK？树上的鸟里有没有聋子？没有。有没有被关在笼子里挂在树上的？没有。边上有没有其他的树，树上还有没有其他的鸟？没有。如果有鸟怀孕了，算不算肚子里的小鸟？不算。 打鸟的人眼有没有花？没有花，就十只。教师已经是满头是汗，且下课铃响，但学生继续问：有没有傻得不怕死的鸟？都怕死。会不会一枪打死两只？不会。学生满怀信心地说：，如果您的回答没有骗人“打死的鸟要是挂在树上没有掉下来，那么就剩一只，如果掉下来，就一只不剩。老师当即口吐白沫倒在地上！

14.一天，有人经过十字路口，发现一件超级恐怖的事，他发现卡卡西和孙悟空竟然在笑！

15.很久很久以前，有一晚，池塘里有三只虾，哈哈哈，一个女鬼放了一个屁死了。

16.一个搞生物研究的女外星人来到地球,转了一圈后,觉得人类基因有不少可借鉴之处,于是她抓了个男人,想把他和关于人类基因的文本资料一起带回。可飞船体积小,没法带他走，资料又过于庞大,不能一次带完。焦虑之际，飞船的电脑帮助系统道：“这人身上有一根小小的棒子即可解决你所有问题……”这时她才恍然大悟,笑着留着口水对那个男人说：“。。。。。把U盘给我！” 。

17.有一个陷儿正过马路，结果不小心被卡车压瘪了，他奄奄一息的时候看了看自己的身体，他说：“原来我是豆沙馅儿的，不是肉馅儿的”

18.大哥，你别在摸了！你摸了上面摸下面，毛都让你摸掉了，这么嫩的皮，被你摸的都流水了！你让俺以后怎么卖？这桃都是新鲜的，您不买就算了！

19.从前有只小羊，有天他出去玩，结果碰上了大灰狼。 大灰狼说：我要吃了你！！！小羊大惊！你们猜，结果怎么了？结果大灰狼就把小羊吃了。

20.从前有个剑客，他人很冷，心很冷，剑很冷，最后冷死了

21.从前有一只老虎在马路上追一只鹿！鹿大惊于是越跑越快，最后就变成了高速公路

22.有一个西红柿，被石头拌了一跤吧嗒摔烂了，又有一个西红柿吧嗒又摔烂了，还有一个西红柿吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒无数个西红柿摔烂了最后一个西红柿也摔倒了啊嗒耶！番茄酱耶！

23.士兵问连长：作战时踩到地雷咋办？连长大为恼火：靠，能咋办？踩坏了照价赔偿。

24.一天，三只小猪为了躲避大灰狼的追赶，而建造了三个小屋。大灰狼不费劲的吹毁了草屋，木屋，砖屋，三只小猪们拼命的跑，但是还是被大灰狼追上了。三只小猪绝望地说，你看着办吧。我们放弃了，随你怎样。此时，大灰狼奸笑着，留着口水说：那快告诉我小红帽在哪里？

25.大象把大便排在路中央，一只蚂蚁正好路过，它抬头望了望那云雾缭绕的顶峰，不禁唱到：呀啦索，这就是青藏高原！~~~~

26.在铁路旁大号却没带纸时，别着急，火车会提醒你：裤擦，裤擦，裤裤擦！在河边上大号却没带纸时，别着急，青蛙会告诉你：棍刮，棍刮，棍棍刮！

27.有两个造假钞的不小心造出面值15元的假钞，两人决定拿到偏远山区花掉，当他们拿一张15元买了1元的糖葫芦时，他们哭了，农民找了他们两张7块的。

28.某人新装的电话刚好是电影院退租的，所以常常有人打电话询问放映中的电影，刚开始，他总是好言解释这部电话已经不是电影院的了，现在已经是他的，请以后不要再打来，日子一久，他也觉得好烦，于是接到这类电话就简短的说：“你打错了！”这样也省些口水。 有一天对方又传来熟悉的声音：“请问现在正上映什么片子？”他照例说：“你打错了！”一阵沉默后，对方答：“是国产片还是洋片呢？

29.一人爬墙出校，被校长抓到了，校长问：为什么不从校门走？答曰：美特斯邦威，不走寻常路。校长又问：这么高的墙怎么翻过去的啊？他指了指裤子说：李宁，一切皆有可能。
校长再问：翻墙是什么感觉？他指了指鞋子说：特步，飞一般的感觉。第2天他从正门进学校，校长问：怎么不翻墙了？他说：安踏，我选择，我喜欢。第3天他穿混混装，校长说：不能穿混混装！他说：穿什么就是什么，森玛服饰。 第4天他穿背心上学，校长说，不能穿背心上学。他说，男人，简单就好，爱蹬堡服饰。 校长说我要记你大过。他说：为什么？校长说，动感地带，我的地盘我做主。

30生活真是没劲儿，上个月我的一个哥们儿向我借了4000块钱，说要去做一个整形手术， 结果现在完全不知道他变成什么模样了，Oh4000块。

31.抢劫者须知：本行职员只懂西班牙语，请您抢劫时一定要有耐心，最好携带翻译一名， 谢谢!

32.你瞎了眼啊？这么大的盾牌你看不见，偏偏要把石头朝我脑袋上扔！

33.我想我应该去减肥了，上次献血的时候，居然流出了一百毫升的猪油。

34.游客：大师，请问那边的草房子是厕所吗？ 和尚：除了那间草房子，其余的地方都是厕所。

35.秀发去无踪，头屑更出众！

36.大便跟小便是好兄弟，有一天大便过马路被车撞死了，小便就说：我好想大便啊…

37.昨天我报名参加了一个减肥训练班，他们要我在训练时穿宽松衣服，岂有此理？如果还有宽松衣服，那我还来报名干嘛？

38.我和妻子已经18个月没说话了，我没机会打断她。

39.贼甲：数数今天一共抢了多少钱？ 贼乙：不用，明天看看报纸就知道了。

40.站的更高,尿的更远

41.走自己的路，让别人打车去吧。

42.穿别人的鞋，走自己的路，让他们找去吧。

43.一天深夜，一个年轻女子经过一家精神病院时，突然后面传来“哇”的一声。女子扭头一看，一个一丝不挂的男子正在向她追来。女子吓得拔腿就跑，后面的男人紧追不舍。不好，前面是一条死胡同，女子万念俱灰，跪在地上哭着哀求道:“你愿意干什么就干什么吧，只求你不要杀我。”男子狡黠地笑了笑说：“真的？那现在你开始追我。”

44.一次文艺晚会，主持人上台报幕：下面请欣赏：新疆歌舞，掀起你的头盖骨！全场鸦雀无声，毛骨悚然！！！ 寒~~~

45.老虎不发猫，你当我是病危呀！

46.我们宿舍一个人喝多了要去尿尿然后带出一句冷话：尿喝多了，酒就特别多．

47.和我姐姐去李宁买鞋，我姐一开口：“小姐，这鞋多少钱一斤？”

48.以前别人来我阿姨家作客，刚进门的。刚好我阿姨要去上厕所。她连忙招呼客人说：“你们坐哈坐哈，我去厕所给你们倒点茶喝！”

49.大学时候，一同学和我争论问题，一时处于下风，情急中一拍桌子起身大叫：你胡说，我又不是不傻！我唾你一脸狗屎

50.小时候冰棍雪糕的一般都是推着自行车叫卖，有一次，在屋子里听一阿姨喊：新来的雪糕，热乎的。（估计阿姨以前是卖油饼油条的）

51.我同事跟人争执，急了张口来了句“你以为我吃饭长大的啊？”我一直纳闷他到底吃什么长大的。"

52.一次KTV点歌，一MM大声喊：给我点一首周截棍的“双杰伦”。

53.大森林里一天，狐狸在吸大麻，这时小兔子从远处跑来，看到这一切，走过来说：狐狸狐狸，你怎么能吸大麻呢，对身体不好的，看，空气多么新鲜啊，快来和我一起跑步吧。狐狸想想也对，于是就和小兔子一起跑步，跑着跑着，他们看到大象正在吸海洛因，小兔子跑过去对大象说：大象啊大象，你干嘛吸毒呢，看空气多么的新鲜，和我一起跑步吧。大象想来也对，就个他们两一起跑步。 跑着跑着，看到了狮子卷起袖子，正要注射海洛因，小兔子远远的对着狮子喊：狮子啊狮子，吸毒对身体不好啊，看空气多么新鲜，和我一起跑步吧... 只见狮子放下注射器冲了过来，把小兔子狂扁了一顿，大象战战兢兢对狮子说：你为什么打小兔子啊，他不想我们伤害身体多好啊！狮子说：自从兔子吃了摇头丸之后，就天天让我跟他一起跑步！

54.夏天，一只长颈鹿遇到一只兔子，她对兔子很得意地炫耀她的脖子： 啊，小兔子，你知道有个长长的脖子多好吗？你知道那些最高处的树叶是多么鲜嫩甜美吗？你知道夏天喝水的感觉吗？清爽的水慢慢经过脖子，兔子看了她一眼，只说了一句：”你试过吐没有？”

55.有一次我哥哥打我，打的我头上起了一个包。后来我哥哥要装东东，没找到包，就把我头上的包拿去盛东西了。

56.从前有一个棉花糖去打了球打了很长时间，他说：好累啊，我觉得我整个人都软下来了。

57.从前有两个雪人，一个雪人说：我好冷，另一个说：我也很冷，另一个又说：那咱们俩抱在一起吧，于是他们俩就抱在了一起。你猜猜后来怎么了？后来他们就冷死了。

58.偶小时侯吃饭不老实，一老农为了教育我，对我说：六零年苦呀，没饭吃，抠出来的鼻屎从来不扔的

59.有个富豪找佣人，面试的题目是上厕所，前几个上完后都没有洗手就出来了，富豪因此把他们打发走了只有一个洗了手，于是富豪留下了他.可是有一天，富豪却发现他没有洗手就出来了，富豪问他是为什么?佣人答到：“偶今天带了手纸...”

60.一个男子看见一家商店大减价，便走了进去。“您买些什么？”“我想买狗食。”“我们有规定，您必须证明您有狗。”“哪儿有这样的规定？”“减价商品就是这样。”男子与售货员磨了半天，售货员还是不同意卖给他没有办法，男子只好回家把狗带来，才买到了狗食。过了几天，男子又去这家商店买猫食“给我两盒猫食。”“我们有规定，您必须证明您有猫。”还是那个售货员，男子又与她磨蹭了半天结果还是不得不回家把猫带来才买到了猫食。又过了几天，男子抱着挖有一个洞的大纸箱来到那家商店，找到那个售货员“您买些什么？”“你把手伸进去就知道。”售货员把手伸了进去：“是什么呀，粘乎乎的。”“我想买两卷儿手纸。”

61.有个人去带著朋友去探望他的外婆。当他和外婆说话时，他的朋友开始吃著咖啡桌上放的花生，把花生都吃完了当他们离开时，他的朋友对外婆说：「谢谢您的花生」外婆回应说「喔！嗯！唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吸掉它们外层的巧克力而已。老了，咳。。。

62.有人很喜欢“麻辣粉丝煲”这道菜。有一次，他上饭馆，又点了这道菜。但侍者告诉他，这道菜已经卖完了。“真的卖完了吗”他很失望地问。“先生，真的卖完了。你瞧，最后一份卖给那桌的先生了。”侍者回答道。那人顺着侍者的指点，看见有个很体面的绅士坐在邻座。绅士的饭菜已经吃得差不多了，但那份“麻辣粉丝煲”居然还是满满的。那人觉得绅士很浪费美味，所以他走到绅士旁边，指着那份“麻辣粉丝煲”，很有礼貌地问：“先生，您这还要吗？”绅士很有风度地摇摇头。于是那人立刻坐下，拿起调羹狼吞虎咽起来。风卷残云，一会儿一半下肚了，突然间他发现在砂锅底躺着一只很小很小但皮毛已长全的小老鼠。一阵恶心那人把吃下去的所有粉丝通通吐回了砂锅里。当他在那儿翻胃不已的时候，那绅士用很同情的眼光看着他，说：“很恶心是吗刚才我也是这样……”

63.这天，酒店老板正在大厅巡视。来了一乞丐上前说道：“老板给个牙签行吗？”老板给他一个打发走了。一会儿，又来一个乞丐也是来要牙签的。老板心想现在这乞丐怎么不要饭改要牙签了？也同样给他一个打发走了，没过多旧，又来一个乞丐。老板对他说“你也是来要牙签的吗？”乞丐说：“有个人吐了，可我晚了一步，已经被前面两个乞丐把能吃的都吃了，现在只剩下汤了。你能给我个吸管吗？

64.老大、老二乘坐飞机，老二晕机，不停呕吐。一袋吐满，老大只好去取袋子，等他回来时，发觉全机人都在不停呕吐。老大问其原因老二说“我看到这只袋子也吐满了，只好又喝进去了半袋，结果他们就全吐了。”

65.一个神父在打高尔夫球，一个修女在旁边观看，第一杆打偏了，神父骂道：“TMD，打偏了！”又打，神父又骂：“TMD，又打偏了！”修女说：“你做为神父说脏话上帝要惩罚的。”话音刚落，只听一个霹雷把修女给劈死了。神父纳闷了：为什么骂人的是我，为什么会劈死修女呢？这时只听天空传来上帝的声音：“TMD，我也打偏了！”

66.中日韩三国足球队主教练一起来到天堂，询问上帝各自的足球队什么时候才能得世界杯冠军，上帝说：韩国需要50年。韩国教练大哭起来：我是见不到了。上帝又说：日本需要100年。日本教练大哭起来：我是见不到了。中国教练连忙问：我们呢？上帝大哭起来：我是见不到了。

67.三个小白兔采到一个蘑菇
两个大的让小的去弄一些野菜一起来吃
小的说 我不去 我走了 你们就吃了我的蘑菇了
两个大的说 不会的 放心去把 于是小白兔就去了~~~
半年过去了 小白兔还没回来 一个大的说 它不回来了 我门吃吧。另一个大的说 再等等吧~~~ 一年过去了 小白兔还没回来 两个大的商量 不必等了 我们吃了吧。就在这时 那个小的白兔突然从旁边丛林中跳出来 生气的说 看!我就知道你们要吃我的蘑菇

68.我们说没尾巴的熊叫无尾熊,那我们说没小鸡鸡的熊叫什麼熊? 答案是母熊,因为母熊本来就没有小鸡鸡。

69.音乐课上 老师弹了一首贝多芬的曲子
小明问小华：“你懂音乐吗？”
小华：“是的”
小明：“那你知道老师在弹什麼吗？”
小华: “钢琴。”

70.从前有个人钓鱼，钓到了只鱿鱼。
鱿鱼求他：你放了我吧，别把我烤来吃啊。
那个人说：好的，那么我来考问你几个问题吧。
鱿鱼很开心说：你考吧你考吧！
然后这人就把鱿鱼给烤了

71.小明在一次车祸中失去了一条腿,
小明在一次车祸中又失去了一条腿
又一次车祸中小明失去了他的另一条腿
一次车祸中小明又失去了他的一条腿
它痛的喊啊喊啊喊啊~~~~~很可怜
其实小明是一条狗

72.有一天，一坨黑色的大便看到了一坨白色的大便，
黑大便问：你为啥长的那么白那么漂亮？
白大便听了非常生气！
他说：我又不是大便！我是冰淇淋!!!

73.有次大热天的打麻将，突然停电了，只好买了蜡烛继续战斗。过了半个小时，实在热得受不了了，一人说：“还是开电风扇吧，热死了。”另一人接口：“不能开，开了会把蜡烛吹灭的。晕==”

74.大学时期，我一同学刚买了手机，办了移动卡，打1860人工台询问，一时激动：“请问你们的地感动带业务……”从免提中我们竟然听到话务员小姐客气的说：“我们的地感动带业务……”全宿舍暴笑！

75..有一天，老师带一群小朋友到山上采水果，
他宣布说:“小朋友，采完水果后，我们统一一起洗，洗完可以一起吃。”
所有小朋友都跑去采水果了。
集合时间一到，所有小朋友都集合了。
老师:“小华，你采到什么？”
小华:“我在洗苹果，因为我采到苹果。”
老师:“小美你呢？”
小美:“我在洗蕃茄，因为我采到蕃茄。”
老师:“小朋友都很棒哦！那阿明你呢？”
阿明:“我在洗布鞋，因为我踩到大便。”

76. 一精神病人狂叫：我是总统，你们都得听我的！
主治医生问他：谁说的？
病人：上帝说的。
听到这儿，旁边一个病人突然跳起来：我可从来没说过！

77.有一个家庭，全家人都非常懒惰。 爸爸叫妈妈做家事,妈妈不想做就叫大姐做,大姐也不想做就叫妹妹做，但是妹妹也不想做就叫小狗做，有一天家里来了一个客人，发现小狗在做家事，很惊讶。问小狗说:小狗，你会做家事啊?!小狗说:没办法，他们不做,都叫我做啊。客人更加惊讶，你会说话!!!小狗:嘘!小声一点，不然他们知道我会说话，又会叫我去接电话...!!

78.乐乐有天跑去动物园喂猴子…将花生丢给猴子吃…但有一只猴子每次都会先将花生塞进屁股…然后再 拿出来吃…乐乐觉得很恶心就跑去问园长…那个猴子为什么会有这种奇怪的举动ㄋㄟ…园长解释道：因为去年有一个人丢个大桃子给他吃..结果那颗大桃子的子无法由屁股顺利的排出…他被害惨啦…所以他现在 一定先把食物塞进屁股量量看，确定可以拉的出来才敢吃…

79.魔王：“公主，你叫破喉咙没有人会来救你！”
公主：“破喉咙！”
没有人：“公主！我来救你了！”
魔王：“见鬼了..”
鬼：“谁发现了我？”
谁：“关我什么事？”
魔王已死！！

80.从前，有一只白猫和一只黑猫，一天，白猫掉到水里去了 ，黑猫把 它救了上来，白猫对黑猫说了一句话
请问...这句话是什么？？？？？答：喵......

81.小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房，问：“老板，你们有没有一百个小面包啊？”
老板：“啊，真抱歉，没有那么多”
“这样啊。。。”小白兔垂头丧气地走了。
第二天，小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房,“老板，有没有一百个小面包啊？”
老板：“对不起，还是没有啊”
“这样啊。。。”小白兔又垂头丧气地走了。
第三天，小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房,“老板，有没有一百个小面包 啊？”
老板高兴的说：“有了，有了，今天我们有一百个小面包了！！”
小白兔掏出钱：“太好了，我买两个！”

82.消防队：哪里着火了？
报警人：我家。
消防队：我是问在什么地方？
报警人：在厨房。
消防队：我是说我们怎么去？
报警人：你们不是有消防车吗？！

83.咖啡杯和水杯一起过马路，这个时候呢，有位老爷爷就大叫“小心哦，现在是红灯。”可是过了一会呢，咖啡杯顺利的过了马路，可是水杯却被卡车撞得水流入注，请问为什么呢？因为咖啡杯有“耳朵”，水杯没有。

84.两颗番茄去逛街，第一颗番茄突然走得很快，第二颗番茄就问：“我们要去哪里？” 第一颗番茄没有回答，第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄还没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说：我们不是番茄吗？我们会说话吗？

85.小明和他的同学玩心有灵犀猜"刘德华"
小明大声的喊道:"是四大天王里的一个!"
同学毫不犹豫自信的地说道:我知道了是"孙悟空!"

86.小企鹅有一天问他奶奶，“奶奶奶奶，我是不是一只企鹅啊？”“是啊，你当然是企鹅。”小企鹅又问爸爸，“爸爸爸爸，我是不是一只企鹅啊？”“是啊，你是企鹅啊，怎么了?” “可是，可是我怎么觉得那么冷呢？”

87.三个大学生被绑票。坏人把他绑在了电线杆上，然后问他：说，你是哪里的？不说就电死你！大学生A：我是交大的，大学生B：我是北大的，大学生C：我是电大（电力大学）的！结果就被电死了....寒~~~

88.从前有一匹马，进了一家酒吧，坐到吧台找酒吧服务生要了一杯酒，服务生说：你的脸好长啊……

89.犯人被执行枪决，由于子弹质量不好，第一枪没响，接着又开了第二枪。。。第三枪。。。这时犯人哭了，抱着法警的大腿说：大哥你掐死我吧！太他妈吓人了.....

90.三个人，在一起比试枪法，由一个黑人顶着某样东西做为靶子。
第一个人在黑人的头上放了一个苹果，然后在距离10米远的位置，抬手一枪就将苹果打碎了，他吹了一下枪口说：I'm 佐罗！
第二个人在黑人的头上放了一个樱桃，然后在距离50米远的地方，抬手一枪就把樱桃打碎了，他吹了一下枪口说：I'm007
第三个人在黑人的头上放了一粒芝麻，然后在距离100米远的地方，抬手一枪就把那个黑人的头打碎了，他也吹了一下枪口说：I'm sorry

91.小王在10楼人事部门工作，一个月前，被调到9楼行政部门去了......今天，小王同学电话到人事部门找他：“小王在么？”
接电话同事说：“小王已不在人事了。”
小王同学：“啊啊！？，什么时候的事啊，我怎么不知道啊，还没来得及送他呢？”
“ 没关系，你可以去下面找他 "

92.老婆花巨资做了整容，数天后变成美女回家！进门时，对一脸疑惑的丈夫说：“怎么？不认识我了？” 丈夫愣了一下，然后惊喜地说：“快进来，我老婆不在家。”

93.一女走夜路,突然看到一男张开双臂向她走来,做拥抱状,上前就是一脚.男子倒地大哭,说:都第三块了,我招谁惹谁了,带块玻璃回家就这么难吗?

94. 今天下午和一群女同事聊天，突然有人说我不是男人 ，我火了，我说，你说我不是，我掏出来给你看 ，女生都笑了，有一个最牛，说，你掏啊我就把身份证掏出来了。

95.一个小男孩到乡下去和他的亲戚一起度过假日。他的亲戚住在一个农庄里，孩子尽情的玩，看见里许多从未看见过的事物。当他回到家里时，他把一切都对母亲说了。他说，留给他印象深刻的是一头带着小猪的母猪。
母猪做什么事情？孩子说：“小猪们追着母猪然后它们把母猪翻过来，开始撕它肚子上的扣子。”

96.妈：“儿子、儿子！来！‘It is too easy！’是啥？”
儿子：“‘这太简单了’。”
妈妈：“简单还不快说？”
儿子：“啊就是‘太简单了’呀！”
妈妈：“你以为我不会打你吧？”
语毕，就将儿子教训了一顿。
接着，妈妈又问：
“‘what’这字何解？”
儿子：“‘什么’。”
妈妈：“我说：‘what’是啥意思？”
儿子：“‘什么’！”
说完，妈妈又把儿子教训一顿……
处罚完，妈妈又问：
“好，再问你，乖乖的告诉妈就没事。”
儿子：“嗯U_U~。”
妈妈：“常常听到人家说‘fuck’是啥意思？”
儿子：“（呜）...”

97.浪客说：“人们叫我浪人，好听！”
武士说：“人们叫我武人，也好听！”
高手说：“人们叫我高人，也很好听！”
剑客说：“你们聊，我先走了

98.师范学院的学生说：我是“师院”的
铁道学院的学生说：我是“铁院”的
职业学院的学生说：我是“职院”的
技术学院的学生说：你们聊，我先走了!

99.白色的玉说：我叫白玉。
碧绿色的玉说：我叫碧玉。
红色的玉说：我叫红玉。
杏色的玉说：你们聊，我先走了

『贰』 救命啊 问题是玩cs 或所有第一人称射击fps游戏《鼠标移动视野时动一点就画面转的厉害

一看你就不懂电脑，i3 4150还叫四核，你被JS坑得不浅呀，i3 4150明明是双核四线程，还叫四核，700多的独显如果是在JS那儿配的，有可能给你装的是假货显卡，ie3.0你原来的还是JS给你配的，200多的鼠标哪儿的？JS的？

『叁』 求救CS1.6高手！FPS值稳定在99但画面不流畅，单机一样

1.你显卡是什么的？要是那些过时的那玩肯定不稳定。
2.换个版本试试......我自己用突飞那个的。
3.CS里面“显示模式”那里不要选“软件加速”，换成“OPENGL”或“D3D”的。
4.当然也不排除你那显卡问题，你自己要是玩别的游戏也出现同样的情况的话试试换张正常的显卡看看。

还有CS中，FPS_max 100 是有这么一个参数，这意思也就是FPS的最大值是多少这样的，后面的100就是那个值。

优化你的FPS，提高画面的质量！
// cl_himodels 禁用高画质模型，从而提高FPS，默认为0.
cl_highmodel "0"
// cl_bob 这些bob系列参数用来描绘玩家移动时手臂的动作，把这些参数设置为
0，那么在游戏中玩家的手臂将始终是静止的，对提高FPS有小小帮助.
cl_bob "0"
cl_bobup "0"
cl_bobcycle "1"
// fps_max 设定游戏的最高FPS数值，一般来说，应该与你显示器的刷新频率相
同.如果你的机器非常强劲，你可以把这个值设到100，否则，75就足够了.
fps_max "75"
// fps_moden 设定在网络联机时的最高FPS数值。如果设成0，那么这个参数会使
用fps_max的数值.
fps_moden "0.0"
// gl_cull 激活后，只对可以看到的画面进行渲染。设成0的话将降低FPS值.
gl_cull "1"
// gl_clear 如果设成1，那么将会金币引擎对画面上各个模型连接的部分的连贯
渲染,这样画面感觉上会变得断裂，但可以提高FPS值.
gl_clear "1"
// gl_lightholes 禁用光洞效果，提高FPS值
gl_lightholes "0"
// gl_max_size 设定贴图材质的最大解析度。CS1.1版这个数值默认为512X512,
为了FPS，还是改成128吧.
gl_max_size "128"
// gl_playermip 设定玩家模型的贴图效果 0 最好效果 （默认值） 1 一般效果
2 最差效果
gl_playermip "2"
// gl_picmip 这个参数非常重要，调整它甚至可以带来20帧的提高，它的默认值
为0
gl_picmip "0"
// gl_round_down 这个参数涉及贴图尺寸，默认值为3，这个值设得越高，画质
越差,而FPS也就越高.
gl_round_down "10"
// gl_smoothmodels 禁用对玩家模型的光滑处理，从而提高FPS
gl_smoothmodels "0"
// 此参数用于设置透视效果。它的调节范围，从最差画质（最高FPS）到
// 最优画质（最低FPS)依次如下：
// gl_nearest_mipmap_nearest
// gl_liner_mipmap_nearest
// gl_nearest_mipmap_liner
// gl_liner_mipmap_liner
// 只设置gl_nearest，删除mipmap效果可以大幅提高FPS，如果设成gl_liner则
可以在稍损FPS值的基础上提高画质
gl_texturemode "gl_nearest"
//gl_wateramp 用来设置水纹效果，改成0以后水面将永远保持平静，从而赚取F
PS.
gl_wateramp "0"
// gl_ztrick 扩展渲染参数，只要针对3DFX显卡及其它一些显卡，可能会导致旧
显卡出现错误。一般来说，设置成1.
gl_ztrick "1"
// mp_decals 用以控制血花四溅和墙上的弹孔效果，设成0.
mp_decals "0"
// gmax_smokepuffs 用以控制烟雾表现效果，设成0.
max_smokepuffs "0"
// max_shells 设定同一时间内出现在屏幕上的弹壳数目，还是设成0.
max_shells "0"
// 调整控制台弹出的速度.
scr_conspeed "8000"
// r_decals 设定血花或者墙上的弹孔数目，这个值不可高过mp_decals设定值.

r_decals "0"
// r_drawviewmodel 设成0可提高FPS并增大视野范围.
r_drawviewmodel "0"
// r_dynamic 动态光影，一定要关闭.
r_dynamic "0"
// r_mirroralpha 反射效果，也要关闭.
r_mirroalpha "0"
// r_mmx 在游戏中使用mmx函数，PentumII或者pentumIII的玩家可设置成1,AMD
,赛扬和CYRIX只能设为0.
r_mmx "1"
//violence_ablood
//violence_agibs
//violence_hblood
//violence_hgibs 这些参数用以控制游戏中的各种暴力表现效果，例如血花四溅
等等，关闭它们可以赚取一些FPS.
violence_ablood "0"
violence_agibs "0"
violence_hblood "0"
violence_hgibs "0"
//命令：ex_interp
//默认值：0.1
//插值是用来使玩家从一点移动到另外的点的时候移动更平滑，HL的引擎依据一
个玩家以前所处位置以及在一定时间后的位置来显示他在这两点之间的移动，而这个时
间是由ex_interp来进行设置，默认的设置是0.1即100毫秒，如果这个数值越低，那么玩
家在这两点之间的移动也就更平滑。不过这个参数只作用在修改了该参数的机器上，在
其他机器上并不会有任何影响.
ex_interp "0.02"
//命令：cl_nopred, ex_extrapmax
//默认值：0, 1.2
//网络代码推测是HL的引擎在玩家的瞬间状态，基于其的动作进行一定的预测，
从而提高一定的游戏速度。使用这两个参数得当可以大幅度的减少互联网游戏中的迟钝
现象，就不需要依*感觉来对对手的下一步行动进行一定的预测了。
//cl_nopred设置为0即为打开预测，ex_extrapmax即为设置预测的最大时间，该
值设置为适中比较合适。
cl_nopred "1"
ex_extrapmax "1.2"
//命令：: cl_nosmooth, cl_smoothtime, cl_vsmoothing
//默认值：0, 0.1, 0.05
//这部分的预测为屏幕显示方面的预测，与网络代码的优化无关。
cl_nosmooth "1"
cl_smoothtime "0.1"
cl_vsmoothing "0.05"

『肆』 CS中FPS的问题!

你的配置上200绝对没 问题！！！ 2楼 和4 楼的都是SB 2楼的是1。5的优化 4楼说FPS不能 超过100 那是放屁 我的机器N卡的显卡 FPS：400 你的问题就是 没关显卡的垂直同步 但是``
看了很多关于垂直同步的帖子，都是告诉大家关掉它，因为某种程度降低了游戏FPS，尤其是XP/2000系统。我现在就纠正这种错误的说法。

一、相信大家都遇到过在CS中由于各种原因导致画面卡那么几秒的时候，如果这种情况发生的时候， 刚好你面前有几个人， 但当画面再次流畅时，这几个人的位置已经完全不在画面凝固时的位置了。是不是很想知道他们在这几秒中去了哪里，我完全可以说他们在火星和地球之间兜了一圈，为什么我这么肯定，因为这几秒的画面你并没有真正看到。

在你继续下面文章之前你可以先做一个实验。
买一个HE（手雷）或任何一个可投掷物品，然后从点A扔出到点B，仔细观察HE在空中的一段画面，很流畅对吧。之后，在控制台里把fps_max 改成1，然后重复这个过程，画面和刚才不一样了吧，感觉HE像不像是在空中瞬间移动过去的？ 请继续。。。

先给大家举个例子
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 （CS FPS 100）
上方数字表示CS每秒可以显示的100个画面
1 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 （刷新率在80HZ的显示器）
以上八个数字表示你显示器在80Hz刷新率下每秒中显示的80个画面，
简单用这个例子来说明当用一个低刷新率的显示器来玩高FPS的游戏所会发生的情况，因为你的显示器在80Hz，所以每秒最多可以显示80个画面，但CS每秒却提供了100个画面其中20个随机画面将不会被显示出来。如果这其中的画面所要显示的正是你在CS中一拐弯发现敌人蹲在那里，想象一下会是什么情况，在你一转弯的0.1秒中，如果敌人的显示器正确显示了你没有显示的画面，他将比你提前做出反映。所以，提高你显示器的刷新率，并同步显示器与CS每秒画面的一致性， 这样CS的每一个画面都不会被漏掉了。

二、CS和硬件的基础知识。

1。CS：1个基于HL引擎的MOD，FPS上限100。每秒种最多只能显示100个画面，不会多，只会少。
2。显示器刷新率(Hz)：也可以说成是FPS，根据带宽与分辨率不同而改变。（带宽越高，刷新率越高；分辨率越高，刷新率越低。TIP：高带宽高刷新率对减轻眼睛疲劳有帮助）
带宽在120MHZ的显示器（市面普遍显示器，普遍千元价位显示器带宽都在120MHZ），640X480@120hz 800X600@100hz
1024X768@85hz 带宽更高的显示器将会有更高刷新率，比如我的PHILIPS 107P4，带宽在203，1024X768@100hz，所以无论在以上三个任何一个分辨率中，都可以保证CS每秒100个画面的显示。所以低带宽的显示器就只能用640X480和800X600的分辨率来运行CS，以提供显示器可以运行在100hz的需要。

设置步骤
1，正确安装显示器驱动，因为很多人都不安显示器驱动而用WINDOWS所提供的普通显示器的驱动，如果你是高带宽的显示器， 将发挥不出高刷新率的特点。问：驱动盘找不到或根本没有。答：请跳到步骤（9）

2，正确安装显卡驱动，N卡推荐61.76 whql，A卡推荐最新驱动。
重新启动。问：没有此驱动。答：请跳到步骤（10）

作者上传了以下图片：

3，检查系统在640，800，1024三种分辨率下，显示属性高级中的监视器-刷新频率里的最高数字，并采用可以达到100或更高刷新率下的分辨率来运行CS。一般情况下 640 和 800 都可以达到100HZ，越高越好。如果你用1024下CS，而1024的分辨率下刷新率达不到100，请继续使用你现在设置，不要做任何改动。

作者上传了以下图片：

4，98 将刷新率设成优化即可。XP/2000 跳到步骤（5）

5，监视器-刷新率下面，请选择“隐藏该监视器无法显示的模式”因为此选项会导致超频显示器造成黑屏。解决XP/2000 DX与OPENGL下刷新率锁在60的问题 请跳到步骤（6）

作者上传了以下图片：

6，N卡最新的ForceWare驱动中增加了解决游戏中刷新率60HZ的办法。显示属性-设置-高级-显卡设置（例如GEFORCE4 xxxx 字样）-左设置面板-刷新率超频-右面选择指定默认刷新频率。将下面640X480；800X600；1024X768 后面的默认改成你显示器在这三种分辨率下所支持的最高刷新率。（！！！注意！！！是步骤（3）中，三种分辨率下监视器刷新率所显示的最高刷新率数字，而不是这里所显示的最高数字，如果误设，将带来很多麻烦。）如正确设置，XP/2000系统无论在任何游戏下， 三种分辨率将自动适应这里设置的刷新率。

作者上传了以下图片：

上方图片中刷新率数字， 为本人显示器最高刷新率. 请根据显示器实际带宽做相应更改. 请详细阅读步骤(3)(6)

7，为CS建立单独的显卡设置文件。在显卡设置左面板中的“性能和质量设置”右面点添加，配置文件下面是这个文件你想用的名字。既然是给CS，那就直接打上CS好了，然后选择下面的浏览，找到CS运行文件cstrike.exe，好了，为CS设置的单独配置文件搞定。

8，开垂直同步。步骤（7）设置无误的话，你将在“应用程序设置文件”下找到CS。“用于CS的设置”下面，4个默认的选项前面都选上，把“系统性能”设置为性能。“垂直同步”选择为开。

9，显示器，显卡驱动网址在 www.mydrivers.com
部分显示器驱动请访问该制造商官方网站。

10，NVIDIA系列芯片显卡ForceWare驱动61.76 WHQL官方正式多语言版
For Win9x/ME（2004年7月21日发布）
http://www.mydrivers.com/dir95/d38096.htm

For Win2000/XP（2004年7月21日发布）
http://www.mydrivers.com/dir95/d38094.htm

本人丛CS1.0开始接触，CS年龄4年，95年开始接触计算机，曾经担当队内技术指导。以个人经验，在CS中正确设置垂直同步可以使游戏画面更加流畅，对此本人在高低档配置机器做过实验，已经得到证实。

推荐：一台带宽在120MHZ的显示器，CS分辨率在640X480 或800X600。如果CS分辨率在1024下，显示器带宽要在160MHZ以上，或是设置游戏FPS为85。一块Geforce2以上的显卡。一个1G频率以上的CPU。256M或512M的内存。

『伍』 玩绝地求生fps忽高忽低怎么办

1、这是设置好后的游戏平均数据

在我设置这些之前，我在等待游戏开始的时候，只有14帧左右，但是弄了这些之后，帧数上升到了30-40fps，但是在多人开枪的时候，降回了20-25fps，不过对比以前已经很好了。弄好之后，在野外能稳定在50-60fps ，进屋子 开枪 开车这些在45fps左右，因为楼主在游戏的时候全程开车，所以平均帧数在45fps左右。

拓展资料：

绝地求生特色系统：

特色系统

玩家团队

在《绝地求生》中，系统会有默认的steam好友，如果已经是好友，就不需要添加，可以直接显示在好友列表里。若玩家是从游戏里认识的好友，将会展示在游戏好友列表里。

玩家可在添加好友界面里，输入要加为好友的玩家名字或ID，点击搜索，会弹出了对应名字的好友，点击“加好友”，接下来便会发送好友申请给对方，只需等待对方回应即可。

玩家还可以在聊天频道、战斗结束面板里，可找到添加好友的选项，点击添加好友选项，同样可向对方发出加好友申请，等待对方同意通过即可成为好友关系。玩家可在好友申请列表里，同意或拒绝其他玩家加好友的申请操作。

战斗系统

游戏共有两种主要模式：第一人称模式和第三人称模式。在这两种模式下玩家可以分别进行单排，双排，四人组队或单人匹配四人团队模式。在进入游戏的时候，玩家可以在面板选择第一人称以及第三人称。

在第三人称模式中，玩家可以可以卡掩体、卡拐角来为自己取得视野上的优势。第一人称更加真实，与现实一样，奔跑时，无论如何也无法看到自己的正后方;而第三人称在自由视角里(按住Alt键)玩家可以看到围绕角色本身360°的画面，没有视野盲区。

在双排或四排等组队多人游戏时，被击杀会强制进入倒地状态。倒地时会缓慢流血，但流血速度随着倒地次数的增多而越来越快。倒地时可以缓慢爬行，爬行不会导致加速流血。救人需要10秒，且姿势固定为蹲下，无法做任何其他动作。如果是趴着时直接按F救人，你移动视角会导致身体移动，系统判定为强制位移，会导致救人动作取消。倒地后大约也有100点血量，计算减伤 。

交易系统

游戏发售时自带了两种额外的箱子，这两款箱子分别叫做蓝色-暴徒宝箱和白色-飞车党宝箱，两款箱子均可用游戏中的BP点数免费兑换到。但是蓝色的暴徒宝箱需要相对应的钥匙进行开启，类似于之前的ESL科隆宝箱，而飞车党宝箱属于普通箱子可以直接打开。箱子中有一款非常珍贵的沙漠围巾，另外还有两款史诗级的连帽衫以及三款服饰，其他一些普通的夹克、衬衫和一太阳镜等。

玩家在主界面地图里，点击界面下方的“补给”图标，可进入到补给界面里，消耗兑换券或金币，去开启各种时装宝箱，诸如流浪者宝箱、端游原版套装宝箱、限定专属兑换宝箱等。玩家开启这些宝箱后，可随机获得各种不同造型、不同时限的时装。部分时装宝箱开启的价格，会随着开启次数增多，而消耗的货币增多，每周回复起始金币价格。

操作系统

绝大多数玩家们都选择第三人称模式，这个模式下交火的打法大多比较一致，相同水平下有掩体的打没掩体的玩家都比较轻松，这就意味着跑圈过程中，而当双方都处于掩体后时，谁先出手就意味着处于劣势，所以两边都不会先将身体露给对方，后期更有利的打法是在安全区内选点，打靶卡圈外的人，随着安全区刷新快速转移。

第一人称模式就与传统的FPS游戏比较像了，考验意识、反应和枪法，中后期根据安全区，要快速清剿安全区内对己方有威胁的敌人，不要一味地绕着走，在第一人称模式中，双方没有绝对的优劣势之分，进攻方反而拥有主动权。

『陆』 这个配置的电脑玩绝地求生fps忽高忽低怎么办啊

换显卡，u够了，内存够了

『柒』 有谁知道有国服的全部Fps类网游,说一下,谢谢。

要么圈钱要么各种翔枪 能看？ 目前比较好的就是行星边际2 坦克世界 我是画面党 行星边际2的画面是网游界的最顶端 无可匹敌 而坦克世界 画面也不错也不至于太烂 就是13年小学生太多 有点受不了 其他的fps通通要么低配要么翔枪要么全是bug要么就是点卷买激光 游戏币扛鸟枪

『一』 When playing League of Legends, the FPS is very high when entering, but after 30 seconds when the minions come out, the FPS is around 20.

1. The principal and the English teacher visited a middle school in France. Speech in the auditorium, English teacher interprets.
Principal: “Ladies and gentlemen!”
English teacher: “Ladies and gentlemen!”
Principal: “Ladies and gentlemen!”
English teacher- _-! After thinking for a moment, he said: "Good morning!"
Principal: "Good morning!"
English teacher:... ==" Khan

2. There is a polar bear, because The snow was so dazzling that he had to wear sunglasses to see. But he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he closed his eyes and crawled around on the ground to look for them. He crawled and crawled until his hands and feet were dirty before he found the sunglasses. . I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, and then I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda

3. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze, and when it got bored, it started to pull itself out. He played with his hair, one, two, three, until finally no one was left, and then he died of cold.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird, and he would pass by a cornfield every day. , but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in the corn field, and all the corn turned into popcorn!!! After the bird flew over...it thought it was snowing and died of cold.

5. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. , crying, he flew up.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. The spider asked: Why? Why is this! The butterfly said: My mother said , those who hang out online all day long are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt very hot, and he said, "It's so hot." , I wanted to take off my clothes. As a result, he peeled off the skin. As a result, the banana at the back fell. Then the banana with the clothes off turned into a dried banana~

8. Yes One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". Legend has it that as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. .So the three of them decided to give it a try.
The first one was a pervert, so he shouted "Woman!" woman! "If he jumped down, there would be a lot of beauties waiting for him.
The second one was a nerd and shouted "Books, books, books!" "Then, I jumped into the valley and got a pit full of books.
The third one is an indecisive person. He can't decide himself after thinking about it.After an hour, he finally made up his mind and felt that banknotes were the most useful, so he walked towards the edge of the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and cursed "shit!" Unexpectedly, his center of gravity was unstable. Fall down the valley.

9. As for Xiao Ming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night
Xiao Ming’s mother asked worriedly: Have you finished reading all the books? There’s an exam tomorrow
Xiao Ming answered readily: Mom, I’ve finished reading.
Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Be good, then you will do well in the exam tomorrow
Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, ‘Mom, I see, it’s over’.

10. The panda loved the deer deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. Panda roars ~ Why? Why is all this happening? Xiaolu said timidly: My mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad boys

11. One day Xiao Ming was walking on the road! As I was walking, I suddenly felt my feet were sore! Why is this happening? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest? Thong (cool)
Jin" said to "coin": Son. If you put on the doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.< br />"Chi" said to "Jin": Sister, the result is out. You are pregnant with twins.
"Chen" said to "Ju": The area is the same as yours. But I have three bedrooms and two living rooms.

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student: There are ten birds in the tree. If one is shot and killed, how many are left?
The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? ? Not how loud the gunshot is? 80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No. Are you sure that the bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: ", you Just tell me how many birds are left, okay? Are any of the birds in the trees deaf? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung from a tree? No. Are there other trees nearby? Are there any other birds on the trees? No. If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a baby bird in the belly? Doesn’t count. Does anyone who hunts birds have eyesight? No flowers, just ten. The teacher was already sweating and the bell rang for the end of get out of class, but the students continued to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are not afraid of death? All afraid of death. Will he kill two with one shot? Won't. The student said with confidence: "If your answer is not deceptive, if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall, then there will be only one left. If it falls, there will be no one left." The teacher immediately foamed at the mouth. Falling to the ground!

14. One day, someone was passing by the intersection and discovered something super scary. He found that Kakashi and Sun Wukong were actually laughing!

15. A long time ago, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Hahaha, a female ghost farted and died.

16. A female alien who was engaged in biological research came to the earth and turned around. After looking around, I felt that human genes haveThere were a lot of things to learn from, so she captured a man and wanted to bring him back together with textual information about human genes. But the spacecraft is too small to take him away, and the data is too huge to be taken away at once. When she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said: "This man has a small stick on his body that can solve all your problems..." Then she suddenly realized it, smiled and said to the man with saliva: "... ..Give me the USB flash drive!”

17. There was a boy who was crossing the road and was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said: "It turns out that I am stuffed with red bean paste." It’s not stuffed with meat.”

18. Brother, stop touching it! If you touch the top and bottom, the hair will fall off. Such tender skin will bleed when you touch it! How do you want me to sell it in the future? These peaches are all fresh, just forget it if you don’t want to buy them!

19. Once upon a time there was a little lamb. One day he went out to play and met the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf said: I will eat you! ! ! The lamb was shocked! Guess what happened? As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was very cold, his heart was very cold, his sword was very cold, and he died of coldness in the end

21. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a man on the road. A deer! The deer was frightened and ran faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway

22. There was a tomato that was hit by a stone and smashed, and another tomato fell to pieces again. , there is another tomato, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, countless tomatoes smashed to pieces, and the last tomato also fell, tap, tap, tap! Ketchup!

23. A soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

24. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf effortlessly destroyed the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house. The three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, "It's up to you." We give up, do whatever you want. At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and said with saliva: Then tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?

25. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help singing: Yalasuo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper with you, don’t worry, the train will remind you: Wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you play tuba by the river without any paper, don't worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

27. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit bills with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in a remote mountainous area. When they took a 15 yuan bill, they bought 1 yuan of candied haws. When they cried, the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

28. Someone’s newly installed phone happened to be returned from a movie theater, so people often called to ask about the movies being shown. At first, he always explained nicely that the phone no longer belonged to the movie theater, but now it belonged to him. Please don't call me again in the future. As time goes by, he feels very annoyed, so when he receives such calls, he simply says: "You dialed the wrong number!" This also saves some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other party: "Excuse me, what movie is showing now?" He said as usual: "You made the wrong number!" After a while of silence, the other party replied: "Is it a domestic film or a foreign film?

29. A person climbed the wall and left the school. He was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why didn't you leave through the school gate? The answer was: Metersbonwe, don't take the ordinary way. The principal asked again: How can you climb such a high wall? In the past? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.
The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said: Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he Entering the school from the main entrance, the principal asked: Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore gangster clothes, and the principal said: You can't wear gangster clothes! He said: Whatever you wear is what you wear, Sen. On the 4th day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, man, just keep it simple. He likes Dengbao clothing. The principal said that I will mark you a serious demerit. He said: Why? The principal said, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory.

Life in 30 is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed 4,000 yuan from me and said he wanted to have plastic surgery. As a result, he is completely unsatisfied now. Knowing what he has become, Oh 4,000 yuan.

31. Note to robbers: Our staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator. Thank you. !

32. Are you blind? You can’t see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

33. I think I should go I have lost weight, and when I donated blood last time, one hundred milliliters of lard actually leaked out.

34. Tourist: Master, is that thatched house over there a toilet? Monk: Except that thatched house , the rest of the place is a toilet.

35. The hair is gone, and the dandruff is even more outstanding!

36. Feces and urine are good brothers. One day, after passing the stool I was hit by a car on the road and said when I was peeing: I really want to poop...

37. Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class and they asked me to wear loose clothes during the training. Is this unreasonable? What if There are also loose clothes, so why should I sign up?

38. My wife and I haven’t spoken for 18 months, and I have no chance to interrupt her.

39 .Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today? Thief B: No, you will know after reading the newspaper tomorrow.

40. Stand taller and pee.Further

41. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them find it.

43. Late one night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when suddenly a "wow" sound came from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, followed by the man behind her. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate. She knelt on the ground and cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want. I just ask you not to kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really? Now you Start chasing me.”

44. At a literary evening, the host came on stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! The whole place was silent and terrifying! ! ! Cold~~~

45. If a tiger doesn’t send a cat, you think I’m critically ill!

46. When a person in our dormitory drank too much, he had to pee and then made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine.

47. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?"

48. People used to come to my aunt's house. I'm a guest, just came in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said: "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!"

49. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about an issue, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. He slapped the table and stood up shouting: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid! I spit on your face

50. When I was young, the popsicle and ice cream sellers usually pushed bicycles to sell ice cream. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot. (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks)

51. My colleague was arguing with someone, and he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I always wondered what he ate. grown up. "

52. Once when I asked for a song at a KTV, a girl shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiegun.

53. A day in the big forest , the fox was smoking marijuana, when the little rabbit ran from a distance, saw all this, came over and said: Fox, fox, how can you smoke marijuana, it is not good for your health, look, the air is so fresh, come on Come run with me. The fox thought about it right, so he ran with the little rabbit. As they ran, they saw the elephant taking heroin. The little rabbit ran over and said to the elephant: Elephant, elephant, you Why are you taking drugs? Look at how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The elephant is right, just the two of them are running together. As I ran, I saw the lion rolling up his sleeves and about to inject heroin. The little rabbit was far away. Shout to the lion from a distance: Lion, lion, taking drugs is bad for your health. Look at how fresh the air is. Come run with me...The lion put down the syringe and rushed over, slapping the little rabbit wildly. The elephant tremblingly said to the lion: Why did you hit the little rabbit? He didn't want us to hurt our bodies! The lion said: Ever since the rabbit took ecstasy, he asked me to run with him every day!

54. In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: Ah, little rabbit, do you know how nice it is to have a long neck? Do you know how fresh and sweet those top leaves are? Do you know what it feels like to drink water in the summer? The refreshing water slowly passed through her neck. The rabbit glanced at her and said only: "Have you tried vomiting?"

55. One time my brother hit me and my head started to swell. Got a bag. Later, my brother wanted to pack stuff and couldn't find the bag, so he took the bag on my head to hold the stuff.

56. Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said: I am so tired. I feel like my whole body has softened.

57. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. One snowman said: I am so cold. The other said: I am also very cold. The other said: Let us hug each other. So they both Hug each other. Guess what happened next? Then they were freezing to death.

58. When I was a kid, I was dishonest about eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard work for 60 years, with no food to eat, and I never threw away the boogers I picked out

59. There was a rich man looking for a servant. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man stayed. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

60. A man I saw a sale in a store and walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ​​food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him and there was nothing he could do, so the man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food and said, "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but the result was still no result. I bought cat food without going home and bringing the cat with me. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" Yeah, it’s sticky.” “I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper.”

61. A man went to visit his grandmother with his friends. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished all the peanuts. When they left, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts." GrandmaResponded with "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Since all my teeth fell out, I can only suck the chocolate on their outer layer. Old, cough...

62. Some people like it very much" "Spicy vermicelli pot" dish. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that this dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Mr. Really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed at the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he was halfway through his stomach. Suddenly he found a very small but full-furred one lying at the bottom of the casserole. The little mouse. After feeling sick, the man vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. While he was turning his stomach over there, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it? I just said It's the same..."

63. On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Can I give you a toothpick, boss?" "The boss sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought, why did the beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He also sent him away. It was not too old, and he asked for toothpicks instead of rice. A beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat. Now only the soup is left." Can you give me a straw?

64. The eldest and second child were on a plane, and the second child got airsick and kept vomiting. One bag was full, so the boss had to go get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The eldest son asked the reason and the second son said, "I saw that this bag was also full of vomiting, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited."

65. A priest was playing golf. A nun was watching the ball, and the first shot missed. The priest cursed: "TMD, missed the ball again!" Hit the ball again, and the priest cursed again: "TMD, missed the shot again!" The nun said: "What do you do? God will punish the priest for swearing." As soon as he finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was it me who cursed, and why did he kill the nun? At this time, I only heard the voice of God coming from the sky: "TMD, I missed the shot too!"

66. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God about their respective football teams. When will we win the World Cup? God said: South Korea will need 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. God said again: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. The Chinese coach quickly asked: Where are we?? God cried loudly: I can’t see him anymore.

67. Three little white rabbits picked a mushroom
The two older ones asked the younger one to get some wild vegetables to eat together
The younger one said I won’t go, I’m leaving. You guys just ate my mushrooms
The two big ones said no, don’t worry, so the little white rabbit went away~~~
Half a year passed, the little white rabbit still hasn’t come back, the big one said If it doesn't come back, let's eat it. The other big one said, "Wait a little longer~~~" A year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two big ones discussed, "No need to wait, let's eat." At this moment, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the jungle nearby and said angrily: Look! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms

68. We say that a bear without a tail is called a koala. , then what do we call a bear without a penis? The answer is a female bear, because a female bear does not have a penis in the first place.

69. In the music class, the teacher played a piece of Beethoven's music
Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: "Do you understand music?"
Xiao Hua: "Yes"< br />Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"
Xiao Hua: "Piano."

70. Once upon a time, a man went fishing and caught a squid.
Squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.
The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions.
Squid said happily: You take the test, you take the test!
Then the man grilled the squid

71. Xiao Ming lost a leg in a car accident,
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident
It screamed and screamed in pain~~~~~very pitiful
Actually, Xiao Ming is a dog

72. One day, a black poop saw a white poop.
The black poop asked: Why are you so white and beautiful? ?
Bai Shi was very angry after hearing this!
He said: I am not a poop! I am ice cream!!!

73. Once while playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy a candle to continue fighting. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan, it's too hot." Another person said: "Don't turn it on. Turning it on will blow out the candle. Dizzy=="< br />
74. When I was in college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone and applied for a mobile card. He called the 1860 manned desk to ask, and he was excited: "Can I ask about your local transmission service..." From the hands-free, we I actually heard the receptionist say politely: "Our local transportation business..." The whole dormitory burst into laughter!

75..One day, the teacher took aA group of children went to the mountain to pick fruits.
He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together."
All the children ran to pick the fruits.
When the gathering time came, all the children gathered.
Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"
Xiaohua: "I am washing apples, because I picked apples."
Teacher: "Where are you, Xiaomei?"< br />Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."
Teacher: "Children are great! What about you, A Ming?"
A Ming: "I am washing tomatoes." Cloth shoes, because I stepped in feces.”

76. A mentally ill patient screamed: I am the president, you all have to listen to me!
The attending doctor asked him: Who said that?
Patient: God said so.
Hearing this, a patient next to him suddenly jumped up: I never said that!

77. There is a family, and the whole family is very lazy. The father asked the mother to do housework. If the mother didn’t want to do it, she would ask the eldest sister to do it. If the eldest sister didn’t want to do it, she would ask the younger sister to do it. But the younger sister didn’t want to do it either, so she would ask the puppy to do it. One day a guest came to the house and found the puppy doing housework. It was very strange. surprise. Asked the puppy: "Puppy, can you do housework?" The puppy said: "No way, they don't do it, they ask me to do it." The guests are even more surprised, you can talk!!! Puppy: Shhh! Keep your voice down, otherwise they will know that I can talk and ask me to answer the phone again...!!

78. Lele has Tian ran to the zoo to feed the monkeys...throwing peanuts to the monkeys...but there was a monkey who would stuff peanuts into his butt every time...and then take it out to eat...Lele felt disgusted and ran to ask the director...why that monkey did that There is such a strange behavior... The director explained: Last year, a person threw a big peach for him to eat... As a result, the big peach's seeds could not be discharged smoothly from the buttocks... He was killed badly... so he must be now First put the food into your butt and measure it to make sure it can be pulled out before eating...

79. Demon King: "Princess, no one will come to save you if you scream and break your throat!"
Princess: "Broken throat!"
No one: "Princess! I'm here to save you!"
Devil: "What a ghost.."
Ghost: "Who found me?"< br />Who: "What does it have to do with me?"
The devil is dead! !

80. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water. The black cat rescued it. The white cat said something to the black cat.
Excuse me...what is this sentence? ? ? ? ? Answer: Meow...

81. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss : "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"
"That's it..."The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.
The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "I'm sorry, there are still none."
"Like this Ah..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.
On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have One hundred buns!!”
The little white rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

82. Fire brigade: Where is the fire?
Caller: My house.
Fire brigade: I asked where?
Alarm person: In the kitchen.
Fire brigade: I mean how do we get there?
Caller: Don’t you have a fire truck? !

83. The coffee cup and the water cup were crossing the road together. At this time, an old man shouted, "Be careful, it's a red light now." But after a while, the coffee cup went smoothly. After crossing the road, the water glass was hit by a truck and water poured into it. Why? Because the coffee cup has "ears", the water cup does not.

84. Two tomatoes went shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked: "Where are we going?" The first tomato did not answer, and the second tomato Tomato asked again. The first tomato didn't answer yet, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned around slowly and said: Aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk?

85. Xiao Ming and his classmates were playing and guessing "Andy Lau"
Xiao Ming shouted loudly: "He is one of the four heavenly kings!"
The classmates were confident without hesitation The little penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are." Penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?"

87. Three college students were kidnapped. The bad guys tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! College student A: I am from Jiaotong University, College student B: I am from Peking University, College student C: I am from Radio and Television University (Electric Power University)! As a result, he was electrocuted to death....Han~~~

88. Once upon a time, there was a horse who entered a bar and sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The waiter said: Your face is so long...

89. The prisoner was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time the prisonerCrying, he hugged the bailiff’s thigh and said: Brother, please strangle me to death! It's so damn scary...

90. Three people were competing in marksmanship, with a black man holding something as a target.
The first man put an apple on the black man's head, then raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces 10 meters away. He blew the gun and said: I'm Zo Luo!
The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then, 50 meters away, raised his hand and shot the cherry to pieces. He blew on the gun and said: I'm007
The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, and then raised his hand and shot the black man's head from a distance of 100 meters. He also blew the muzzle of the gun and said: I' m sorry

91. Xiao Wang works in the human resources department on the 10th floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the 9th floor... Today, Xiao Wang called the human resources department to find out Him: "Is Xiao Wang here?"
The colleague who answered the phone said: "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel department."
Classmate Xiao Wang: "Ah!?, when did it happen? Why didn't I You know, you haven’t had time to send him off yet?”
“It doesn’t matter, you can go find him down below.”

92. My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and came home transformed into a beautiful woman in a few days. ! When entering the door, she said to her confused husband: "What? You don't recognize me?" The husband was stunned for a moment, and then said in surprise: "Come in, my wife is not at home."

93. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms, making a hug, and then stepped forward and kicked her. The man fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: I am already a third person, I have offended anyone, take a piece with me. Is it so difficult to bring home glass?

94. I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon. Suddenly someone said that I am not a man. I got angry. I said, you said I am not, I will take it out for you. Look, the girls all laughed, and one of them was the most awesome. He said, "Take it out, so I took out my ID card."

95. A little boy went to the country to spend the holidays with his relatives. His relatives lived on a farm, and the children played happily and saw many things they had never seen before. When he got home, he told his mother everything. He said the one that impressed him most was a sow with her piglets.
What does a sow do? The child said: "The piglets chased the sow and then they turned the sow over and started tearing off the buttons on her belly."

96. Mom: "Son, son! Come on! 'It is What is 'too easy!'?"
Son: "'It's too easy'."
Mom: "Why don't you tell me it's easy?"
Son: "Ah, it's 'too easy' Yeah!”
Mom: “You think I won’t hit you, right?”
After speaking, he gave his son a lesson.
Then, mother asked:
"What do you mean by 'what'?"
Son: "'what'."
Mom: "I said: 'what' is What do you mean?"
Son: "'What'!"
After that, the mother taught her son a lesson again...
After the punishment, the mother asked again:
"Okay, If I ask you again, just tell mom and it will be fine."
Son: "Hmm U_U~."
Mom: "What do you mean when you often hear people say 'fuck'?"
Son: "(Woo)..."

97. The rogue said: "People call me ronin, which sounds nice!"
The samurai said: "People call me warrior, which sounds nice!"
The master said: "People call me Gaoren, which sounds nice!"
The swordsman said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first

98. A student from the Normal College said: I am From "Normal College"
Students from Railway College said: I am from "Railway College"
Students from Vocational College said: I am from "Vocational College"
Students from Technical College said: You Chat, I’m leaving first!

99. The white jade said: My name is Bai Yu.
The green jade said: My name is Biyu.
The red jade said: I It’s called Hongyu.
The apricot-colored jade said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first

『二』Help, the problem is when playing cs or all first-person shooter fps games "the mouse moves when the field of view moves" The screen changes at a glance

You will not understand computers at first glance. The i3 4150 is still called a quad-core. You are fooled by JS. The i3 4150 is obviously a dual-core and four-thread, and it is still called a quad-core. If the independent graphics card that costs more than 700 yuan is configured by JS, it is possible that the graphics card installed for you is a fake. Ie3.0, your original one is the one that JS configured for you. Where did the mouse that cost more than 200 yuan come from? JS?

『三』 Asking CS1.6 masters for help! The FPS value is stable at 99 but the picture is not smooth, just like a stand-alone computer

1. What kind of graphics card do you have? If it is outdated, the game will definitely be unstable.
2. Try another version...I use the Tufei one myself.
3. Do not select "Software Acceleration" in the "Display Mode" in CS, replace it with "OPENGL" or "D3D".
4. Of course, it does not rule out problems with your graphics card. If you have the same problem when playing other games, try changing to a normal graphics card.

In CS, FPS_max 100 has such a parameter, which means what is the maximum value of FPS, and the following 100 is that value.

Optimize your FPS and improve the screen quality Quality!
//cl_himodels disables high-quality models to improve FPS. The default is 0.
cl_highmodel "0"
// cl_bob These bob series parameters are used to describe the movement of the player's arms when moving. Set these parameters to < br />0, then the player's arms will always be stationary during the game, which will be slightly helpful to improve FPS.
cl_bob "0"
cl_bobup "0"
cl_bobcycle "1"
// fps_max sets the maximum FPS value of the game. Generally speaking, it should be the same as the refresh frequency of your monitor. If your machine is very powerful, you can set this value to 100, otherwise , 75 is enough.
fps_max "75"
// fps_moden sets the maximum FPS value when connected to the network. If set to 0, then this parameter will
use the value of fps_max.
fps_moden "0.0"
// When gl_cull is activated, only the visible images will be rendered. If set to 0, the FPS value will be reduced.
gl_cull "1"
// gl_clear If set to 1, the gold engine will render the connected parts of each model on the screen coherently
. This will make the picture look broken, but it can increase the FPS value.
gl_clear "1"
// gl_lightholes disables the light hole effect and increases the FPS value
gl_lightholes "0"
// gl_max_size sets the maximum resolution of the texture material. The default value for CS1.1 version is 512X512.
For the sake of FPS, change it to 128.
gl_max_size "128"
// gl_playermip sets the texture effect of the player model to 0 for the best effect ( Default value) 1 Average effect
2 Worst effect
gl_playermip "2"
// gl_picmip This parameter is very important, adjusting it can evenBrings an improvement of 20 frames, its default value
is 0
gl_picmip "0"
// gl_round_down This parameter involves the texture size, the default value is 3, the higher this value is set,
The worse the image quality, the higher the FPS.
gl_round_down "10"
// gl_smoothmodels disables smoothing of the player model, thereby increasing FPS
gl_smoothmodels "0"
// This parameter is used to set the perspective effect. Its adjustment range, from the worst image quality (highest FPS) to
// the best image quality (lowest FPS), is as follows:
// gl_nearest_mipmap_nearest
// gl_liner_mipmap_nearest
// gl_nearest_mipmap_liner
// gl_liner_mipmap_liner
// Only setting gl_nearest and deleting the mipmap effect can greatly increase FPS. If set to gl_liner,
can improve the image quality at the slightest loss of FPS value< br />gl_texturemode "gl_nearest"
//gl_wateramp is used to set the water texture effect. After changing it to 0, the water surface will always remain calm, thus earning F
PS.
gl_wateramp "0" < br />// gl_ztrick extends the rendering parameters, as long as it is targeted at 3DFX graphics cards and some other graphics cards, it may cause errors in old
graphics cards. Generally speaking, it is set to 1.
gl_ztrick "1"
// mp_decals is used to control the effect of blood spatter and bullet holes on the wall, set to 0.
mp_decals "0"
// gmax_smokepuffs is used to control the smoke performance effect, set to 0.
max_smokepuffs "0"
// max_shells sets the number of shells that appear on the screen at the same time, or set to 0 .
max_shells"0"
//Adjust the speed of the console pop-up.
scr_conspeed "8000"
// r_decals Set the number of blood flowers or bullet holes on the wall. This value cannot be higher than the mp_decals setting Fixed value.

r_decals "0"
// r_drawviewmodel Set to 0 to increase FPS and increase the field of view.
r_drawviewmodel "0"
// r_dynamic dynamic Light and shadow must be turned off.
r_dynamic "0"
// r_mirroralpha reflection effect must also be turned off.
r_mirroalpha "0"
// r_mmx uses the mmx function in the game, PentumII or pentumIII players can set it to 1, AMD
, Cyron and CYRIX can only be set to 0.
r_mmx "1"
//violence_ablood
//violence_agibs
/>//violence_hblood
//violence_hgibs These parameters are used to control various violent effects in the game, such as blood splattering
and so on. Turning them off can earn some FPS.
violence_ablood "0"
violence_agibs "0"
violence_hblood "0"
violence_hgibs "0"
//Command: ex_interp
//Default value: 0.1
//Interpolation is used to make the player move more smoothly when moving from one point to another. HL's engine displays a player's previous position and his position after a certain period of time based on the two positions. Movement between points, and this time is set by ex_interp. The default setting is 0.1, which is 100 milliseconds. If this value is lower, then the player
will move between these two points. Movement is smoother. However, this parameter only affectsOn the machine where this parameter is modified, it will not have any effect on
other machines.
ex_interp "0.02"
//Command: cl_nopred, ex_extrapmax
//Default Value: 0, 1.2
//Network code speculation is that HL's engine makes certain predictions based on the player's instantaneous state based on his actions,
thus increasing the game speed to a certain extent. Proper use of these two parameters can greatly reduce the sluggishness in Internet games. There is no need to rely on feelings to predict the opponent's next move.
//Cl_nopred is set to 0 to turn on prediction, and ex_extrapmax is to set the maximum time for prediction. It is more appropriate to set this
value to moderate.
cl_nopred "1"
ex_extrapmax "1.2"
//Commands:: cl_nosmooth, cl_smoothtime, cl_vsmoothing
//Default value: 0, 0.1, 0.05
// The predictions in this part are screen display predictions and have nothing to do with network code optimization.
cl_nosmooth "1"
cl_smoothtime "0.1"
cl_vsmoothing "0.05"

『四』 FPS problem in CS!

Your configuration There is absolutely no problem reaching 200! ! ! The ones on the 2nd and 4th floors are both SB. The ones on the 2nd floor are optimized for 1.5. The 4th floor says that the FPS cannot exceed 100. That’s nonsense. The FPS of the graphics card of my machine’s N card: 400. Your problem is that you haven’t turned off the vertical synchronization of the graphics card. `
I have read many posts about vertical synchronization, and they all tell everyone to turn it off, because it reduces the game FPS to some extent, especially on XP/2000 systems. I will correct this misstatement now.

1. I believe everyone has encountered situations where the screen is stuck for a few seconds due to various reasons in CS. If this happens, there are several people in front of you, but when the screen When it became smooth again, the positions of these people were no longer where they were when the picture was frozen. Do you really want to know where they went in these few seconds? I can definitely say that they went in a circle between Mars and the Earth. Why am I so sure? Because in these few seconds of pictures, youDidn't really see it.

You can do an experiment before you continue with the following article.
Buy a HE (grenade) or any throwable item, and then throw it from point A to point B. Carefully observe the scene of the HE in the air. It is very smooth, right? After that, change fps_max to 1 in the console, and then repeat the process. The picture will be different from before. Does it feel like the HE is moving instantaneously in the air? please continue. . .

Let me give you an example first
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (CS FPS 100)
The number above indicates the 100 frames that CS can display per second< br />1 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 (monitor with a refresh rate of 80HZ)
The above eight numbers represent the 80 images displayed per second by your monitor at a refresh rate of 80Hz.
Easy to use This is an example of what happens when you use a low refresh rate monitor to play a high FPS game. Because your monitor is at 80Hz, it can display up to 80 frames per second, but CS provides 100 frames per second. 20 random screens among them will not be displayed. If what this picture is showing is exactly what you find when you turn a corner in CS and find the enemy squatting there, imagine what it would be like. During the 0.1 second of your turn, if the enemy's monitor correctly displays the picture that you did not display. , he will react before you do. Therefore, increase the refresh rate of your monitor and synchronize the consistency of the monitor and CS pictures per second, so that every picture of CS will not be missed.

2. Basic knowledge of CS and hardware.

1. CS: 1 MOD based on HL engine, FPS upper limit is 100. A maximum of 100 images can be displayed per second, not more, only less.
2. Monitor refresh rate (Hz): It can also be said to be FPS, which changes according to bandwidth and resolution. (The higher the bandwidth, the higher the refresh rate; the higher the resolution, the lower the refresh rate. TIP: High bandwidth and high refresh rate are helpful in reducing eye fatigue)
Monitors with a bandwidth of 120MHZ (common monitors on the market, generally thousands of The bandwidth of monitors at yuan price is 120MHZ), 640X480@120hz 800X600@100hz
1024X768@85hz Monitors with higher bandwidth will have higher refresh rates, such as my PHILIPS 107P4, the bandwidth is 203, 1024X768@100hz, so No matter in any of the above three resolutions, CS can guarantee the display of 100 pictures per second. Therefore, low-bandwidth monitors can only use 640X480 and 800X600 resolutions to run CS to provide the need for the monitor to run at 100hz.want.

Setup steps
1. Install the monitor driver correctly, because many people are not worried about the monitor driver and use the ordinary monitor driver provided by WINDOWS. If you have a high-bandwidth monitor, it will not function properly. Features high refresh rate. Question: The driver disk cannot be found or is not available at all. Answer: Please skip to step (9)

2. Install the graphics card driver correctly. N card recommends 61.76 whql, and A card recommends the latest driver.
Restart. Q: There is no such driver. Answer: Please jump to step (10)

The author has uploaded the following pictures:

3. Check that the system displays advanced properties in three resolutions: 640, 800, and 1024. The monitor in - the highest refresh rate number, and run CS at a resolution that can reach 100 refresh rates or higher. Generally speaking, both 640 and 800 can reach 100HZ, the higher the better. If you use 1024 CS and the refresh rate cannot reach 100 at 1024 resolution, please continue to use your current settings without making any changes.

The author uploaded the following pictures:

4,98 Just set the refresh rate to Optimize. XP/2000 Skip to step (5)

5. Under Monitor - Refresh rate, please select "Hide modes that this monitor cannot display" because this option will cause the overclocked monitor to cause a black screen. To solve the problem of refresh rate locked at 60 under XP/2000 DX and OPENGL, please skip to step (6)

The author uploaded the following pictures:

6, the latest N card The ForceWare driver has added a solution to solve the problem of 60HZ refresh rate in games. Display properties - Settings - Advanced - Graphics card settings (for example, the words GEFORCE4 xxxx) - Left settings panel - Refresh rate overclocking - Select to specify the default refresh frequency on the right. Change the defaults following 640X480; 800X600; 1024X768 below to the highest refresh rate supported by your monitor in these three resolutions. (!!! Note!!! It is the highest refresh rate number displayed by the monitor refresh rate under the three resolutions in step (3), not the highest number shown here. If it is set incorrectly, it will cause a lot of trouble. .) If set correctly, the three resolutions of the XP/2000 system will automatically adapt to the refresh rate set here regardless of the game.

The author has uploaded the following pictures:

The refresh rate number in the picture above is the highest refresh rate of my monitor. Please make corresponding changes according to the actual bandwidth of the monitor. Please read the steps in detail ( 3)(6)

7. Create a separate graphics card settings file for CS. Click Add to the right of "Performance and Quality Settings" in the left panel of the graphics card settings., below the configuration file is the name you want to use for this file. Since it is for CS, just type CS directly, then select the browse below and find the CS running file cstrike.exe. Well, the separate configuration file set for CS is done.

8. Turn on vertical synchronization. If the settings in step (7) are correct, you will find CS under "Application Settings File". Under "Settings for CS", select all four default options and set "System Performance" to Performance. Select "Vertical Sync" to On.

9. The website for monitor and graphics card drivers is www.mydrivers.com
For some monitor drivers, please visit the official website of the manufacturer.

10. NVIDIA series chip graphics card ForceWare driver 61.76 WHQL official multi-language version
For Win9x/ME (released on July 21, 2004)
http://www. mydrivers.com/dir95/d38096.htm

For Win2000/XP (released on July 21, 2004)
http://www.mydrivers.com/dir95/d38094.htm< br />
I started playing CS1.0. I was 4 years old in CS. I started working with computers in 1995. I once served as the technical director of the team. From personal experience, correctly setting vertical synchronization in CS can make the game screen smoother. I have conducted experiments on high- and low-end machines and it has been confirmed.

Recommended: A monitor with a bandwidth of 120MHZ and a CS resolution of 640X480 or 800X600. If the CS resolution is 1024, the monitor bandwidth must be above 160MHZ, or the game FPS must be set to 85. A Geforce2 or above graphics card. A CPU with a frequency above 1G. 256M or 512M memory.

『五』What to do if the fps of PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds fluctuates between high and low

1. This is the average data of the game after settings

< p> Before I set these up, I was only getting around 14fps while waiting for the game to start, but after doing this, the framerate went up to 30-40fps, but dropped back to 20-25fps when shooting with multiplayer , but the comparison is already very good. After it is done, it can be stabilized at 50-60fps in the wild, and around 45fps when entering a house, shooting, and driving. Because the author drives the whole game during the game, the average frame rate is around 45fps.

Extended information:

PUBG’s special system:

Special system

Player team

In "PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds", the system will have default steam friends. If you are already a friend, you do not need to add them and they can be displayed directly in the friend list. If the player is a friend from the game, they will be displayed in the game friends list.

Players can enter the name or ID of the player they want to add as a friend in the friend adding interface, click search, and friends with the corresponding name will pop up. Click "Add Friend", and then a friend application will be sent. Give it to the other party and just wait for the other party to respond.

Players can also find the option to add friends in the chat channel and the battle end panel. Click the add friend option. They can also send a friend application to the other party and wait for the other party's approval to become friends. Players can agree or reject other players' application operations to add friends in the friend application list.

Combat System

The game has two main modes: first-person mode and third-person mode. In these two modes, players can play single queue, double queue, four-person team or single-match four-person team mode. When entering the game, players can choose first-person or third-person on the panel.

In the third-person mode, players can use cover and corners to gain a visual advantage for themselves. The first person is more realistic. Just like reality, when running, you can't see directly behind you anyway; while in the third person, in the free perspective (hold down the Alt key), the player can see a 360° picture surrounding the character itself, without a field of view. Blind area.

In team multiplayer games such as two-row or four-row, being killed will force you to fall down. Bleeding will occur slowly when you fall to the ground, but the bleeding rate will become faster and faster the more times you fall to the ground. You can crawl slowly when you fall to the ground, and crawling will not cause accelerated bleeding. It takes 10 seconds to save someone, and the position is fixed at crouching, and no other movements can be made. If you directly press F to save someone while lying down, moving your perspective will cause your body to move, and the system will determine it as a forced displacement, which will cause the rescue action to be cancelled. After falling to the ground, he still has about 100 blood points, and the damage reduction is calculated.

Trading system

When the game was released, it came with two additional boxes. These two boxes are called blue-mob treasure box and white-speeder party treasure box. Both boxes are It can be redeemed for free with BP points in the game. However, the blue mob treasure chest requires the corresponding key to open, similar to the previous ESL Cologne treasure chest, while the speedster treasure chest is an ordinary box and can be opened directly. There is a very rare desert scarf in the box, as well as two epic hoodies and three clothing items, as well as some ordinary jackets, shirts and a pair of sunglasses.

In the main interface map, players can click the "supply" icon at the bottom of the interface to enter the supply interface and consume coupons or gold coins to open various fashion treasure chests, such as wanderer treasure chests and PC game treasure chests. Original set treasure chest, limited exclusive exchange treasure chest, etc. After players open these treasure chests, they can randomly obtain a variety of fashions with different styles and different time limits. part timeThe price of opening a treasure chest will increase as the number of openings increases, and the currency consumed increases, and the starting gold coin price will be restored every week.

Operating system

The vast majority of players choose the third-person mode. In this mode, most of the fighting styles are relatively consistent. Players with cover and without cover at the same level are all It is relatively easy, which means that during the circle running, when both sides are behind the cover, whoever strikes first means being at a disadvantage, so neither side will expose their bodies to the other side first. The more advantageous way of playing in the later stage is to Select a point in the safe zone, and the people outside the shooting circle will quickly move as the safe zone is refreshed.

The first-person mode is more like a traditional FPS game. It tests awareness, reaction and marksmanship. In the middle and later stages, according to the safe zone, you must quickly clear out enemies that threaten you in the safe zone. Don’t just go around blindly. Moving forward, in the first-person mode, there is no absolute advantage or disadvantage between the two sides, and the attacker has the initiative.

『Lu』 What should I do if the fps of PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds fluctuates when playing PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds on a computer with this configuration?

Change the graphics card, enough u and enough memory

『撒』 Does anyone know all the FPS online games in the Chinese server? Please tell me. Thank you.

Either making money or various flying guns. Can you watch it? The better ones at the moment are Planetside 2 and World of Tanks. I am a graphics person. The graphics of PlanetSide 2 are at the top of the online game industry and unrivaled. The graphics of World of Tanks are also good and not too bad. However, there are too many 13-year-old elementary school students who can’t stand the others. All fps are either low configuration, have flying guns, are full of bugs, or are you just paying for laser game coins to carry shotguns